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#1 With(out) a Bullet

  Another brick for the walk of shame was laid with the recent "news" that Halle Berry and her latest boy toy, model Gabriel Aubry, are calling it a day. I would be happier about them not living together outside the security of a committed marriage anymore if it weren't for the complications their two-year-old daughter, Nahla, will now have to face from being shuffled from parent to parent. But it isn't this story itself that interests me so much as the point this Momlogic article I stumbled across on the subject uses it to make.
  The article quotes Rabbi Sherre Hirsch as saying that "Young kids take time away from the man, who used to come first. Most of a woman's time is now given to the child." This may be true to a lesser or greater extent depending on the dynamic of each individual family, but Hirsch's answer for this is what brought the angry feminists out in droves. Well, ok...there are only five comments submitted for the article as of this post. Maybe someone should forward it to Naomi Wolf...that might push the number all the way up to eight!
  Anyway, here's the hate-filled, controversial statement that sent male-bashers over the edge:

The most important relationship in the family is the one with your mate. A great relationship means a great family. The best thing you can do is put your guy in the number-one spot.

  "OMG, where's my pitchfork?"
  "Help me light this torch, we're heading to the rabbi's house!"
  "Hey, what are you doi-...put down that perspective, we're on a mission here!"
  Nothing sends these people into a tizzy faster than the suggestion that a man should be anywhere except on the bottom of their six-inch heels, waiting to be scraped off. Here's a sample of some of my favorite overreactions:

Wait. The expert says most of the time men leave or cheat because suddenly they’re not #1 anymore. So women should make them be #1 to keep them. While she falls to the bottom of the pile? How about the men grow up, act like responsible adults, and stop expecting women to fall all over themselves to cater to their every whim. Let the kids be kids, and the men act like men. If they can’t do that, don’t let the door hit you on the way out!
---------------------------------
Why are all the instructions for women? Are men not supposed to step up to the plate and help out with their offspring? Are we bears?

This is, perhaps, daring speculation on my part...but maybe the reason the listed "instructions" were for women is because the website's name is "Momlogic". A website for moms. Moms who are usually women. Excuse me while I consult with my fact-checker............yep, female parents are still called "moms". Fish, barrel, 'nuff said.
  To do as this article suggests and "put your guy in the number-one spot" doesn't by necessity require the woman to then be relegated to the bottom of the list. If a different website had posted this, one that isn't intended to cater to the needs and challenges of one specific sub-group of a particular gender, I'm sure it would have been revised to say that Mom and Dad should put each other in the number-one spot! When two become one (Eph. 5:31), how could it be any other way?
  A great quote that fleshes this concept out a little further comes from relationship counselor Dr. Ellen Kriedman: “The best gift you can ever give your children is a loving relationship with your mate. The happiest, most well-adjusted children come from a home where mommy and daddy love each other.” She has a lot more to say on this issue that's really helpful. The ideal order of priority in a family is: 1) God, 2) Spouse, 3) Kids, 4) Everyone else. In many families today, #2 and #3 get switched around and #1 gets thrown out altogether, which is all too often a recipe for disaster!
  Naturally, this isn't going to exist in a single-parent situation, and probably shouldn't exist in the case of blended families. Most children resent a step-parent being placed at a higher priority than themselves (whether real or imagined), something they would normally celebrate in traditional households.
  Getting back to the Berry/Aubry story for a moment, it wasn't any of this stuff I've been talking about that's being blamed for the split. I spent a half-hour of my life I can't get back looking into this further.
  It appears she was constantly whining that he doesn't make enough ($700k/yr...sign that boy up for food stamps!). She earns millions for one movie, which is pretty difficult for many guys to match. As for him, the novelty of being with a gorgeous woman nine years his senior was supposedly wearing off for him.
  All told, if we're to believe that gossip is truth, it wasn't any debate of "Who's #1, me or the kid?" that did them in, it was simply another combination of two selfish narcissists that couldn't hack the real world. Consequently, the Nahlas of the world always end up being the biggest casualties when that happens.

Posted on Saturday, May 22, 2010 by Registered CommenterSpiderbeavis | Comments3 Comments

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Reader Comments (3)

So very true. I get very upset by the constant bashing of the male in the family. Putting God first and then partnering with your spouse would make for a lot happier home.
Maybe the expectations of marriage need to evaluated also. Just a thought.

May 23, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterAuntE

I agree.

It's the children that suffer, almost all the time.

May 28, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThess

You've been featured on this post
http://women-ish.blogspot.com/2010/06/good-stuff-finale-blog-blessings.html

June 6, 2010 | Unregistered CommenterThess

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