I really thought I had seen just about every display of arrogant self-importance one could conceive. Whether it be an ex-boxer giving all his sons(and one daughter) the same name, or a decrepit US senator and former Klansman littering the state of West Virginia with monuments to himself, I thought I'd seen it all. But one so-called birthday "gift", forged in the home fires of Charlotte, NC, ground my gears to epic proportions.
 I haven't addressed this subject up to now because I've never happened upon a suitable occasion. So that's one thing I'll give Charla Muller props for, at least: giving me an excuse. Here is the entire article I will be quoting from for you to read if you like. But without further adieu, let's find out more about this gift:

When her husband's 40th birthday approached, Charla Muller wanted just the right gift.

It had to be fabulous, over the top, something so special "that my husband would never have to pause and say, What did Charla give me for my 40th birthday?"

Let us declare now that Muller, a Charlotte wife, mother and public relations professional, succeeded on all counts. Her gift? Sex, every day, for a year.

Soon, the world will learn of Muller's gift. Her book, "365 Nights: A Memoir of Intimacy," co-written with Betsy Thorpe, ($14; Berkley) hits bookstores in July.

In it, Muller tackles issues familiar to almost anyone in a marriage or long-term relationship: How does intimacy flourish in real, busy lives? How do you deal when one partner -- usually the man -- wants a lot more sex than the other?

Wow, what a generous wife that one is! How thoughtful of her to grit her teeth and bear such a noble burden. I've seldom witnessed such unsurpassed courage! And you selfish husbands out there...how dare you thoughtless pigs be sexually attracted to your wives and want to demonstrate that on a regular basis. Why, that's a direct ticket to hell!
 Seriously, this is as idiotic as feeling generous in giving your wife shopping money when you have a joint bank account...it was already hers to begin with!! The marriage bed has a similar account, and it goes a little something like this:

Now for the matters you wrote about: It is good for a man not to marry. But since there is so much immorality, each man should have his own wife, and each woman her own husband. The husband should fulfill his marital duty to his wife, and likewise the wife to her husband. The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. I say this as a concession, not as a command. - I Cor. 7:1-6

Here's the 411, Charla: it's a disservice to your husband to not have been consistent in practicing this from the moment you said, "I do"! Some reassurances here to my readers with feminist leanings...if it were a man pulling this kind of garbage, I'd be ripping on him too. In fact, I'd probably be letting him have it even worse for being such a pansy! Lest I be misunderstood, I'm not saying the Bible is commanding married people to do it every single day. My point is that if one spouse has need for a week, a month, a year straight..Paul is saying they have the right to expect that need will be met, barring circumstances beyond one's control, because man and wife have a veritable "power of attorney" over one another's bodies!
 Naturally folks are going to need time off here and there; for whatever reason that's the reality of married life and completely understandable. The list of things that can get in the way is only limited by one's life experience. Paul demonstrates his understanding of this via the concept of the "mutual consent" clause. If I tried to assuage everyone by covering all the exceptions and potential limiting scenarios, this post would be longer than the LA phone book...and it's admittedly way too long already! That said...the norm, as seen above, is simple:

 To those complaining that I've never been married and don't know what it's like...I do know what God's word says; it is and will always be the guidepost for my perspectives. As an ancillary to that, by not being married at a younger age like many, I've had plenty of time to think about the standards I would try to set for myself and in my household...whenever God deigns to grant me the responsibility of leading one!

 Ok...allow me to take a breath here and return to the article. Charla discovered an interesting side effect in the course of this harrowing journey of pleasure:

They begin on Brad's birthday, July 3, 2006. Before long, she reports, they're happier.They feel more connected. And because they're doing it daily, sex ceases being an issue in their marriage. "Sex permeates a marriage more when you're not having it," she writes.

Holy crap, you mean this Bible stuff actually works? Doing something God's way and getting God's results...who'da thunk it?!? I wonder how many percentage points our divorce statistics in this country would drop if this simple principle were more widely utilized(that, and Eph. 5:22-33); not just for 365 nights, but every night for the rest of your life...as long as age and health allow it to be so! I remember a few years back, on one of the few occasions I've ever allowed my eyes to behold Oprah, they were talking about infidelity. This little old lady stands up and says the following to "Lady O": "I made sure my husband got plenty of home cooking, so that he never felt the need to go to a restaurant." I wanted to reach through the screen and hug that woman! She knew the score.
 Oh, but there were a few difficult potholes in Charla's long and winding road:

As months pass, Charla admits she's tiring of daily sex. By May, "there are moments where I've hit the proverbial wall, and feel like beating myself over the head with the nearest newspaper or maybe a spatula."

But she's determined to make good on her promise. *Oh you brave soul! [Perplexed]* Brad says his wife adopted a kind of "we've come this far, we can't stop now" attitude.

They don't have an exact final tally. They missed a few days when Brad was traveling for business, or he decided he wanted a break. But Charla figures they averaged 27 or 28 times a month.

Men and women have totally different reactions to Charla's gift, the Mullers say. Men tend to give Brad verbal high-fives. Women are often incredulous and tell Charla they'd prefer their husbands didn't find out.

Today, the couple no longer have daily sex, but they have a lot more than they did pre-gift. And they agree their year of intimacy improved their marriage.

Poor baby! I can't imagine the trauma, being buffeted by all those free orgasms day after torturous day. Ok, so no dude hits it over the fence every single time. But you get my sarcastic point. Man I'd love to email this post to all the longsuffering husbands of those "incredulous women" who wish I Cor. 7:1-6 didn't exist!
 I would estimate that about 90% of my readers are female, and most of those are married. Those are the ones I'd like to hear from...so tell me where I'm missing the boat, ladies. Why is sex considered such a chore? Allow me for a moment to throw out a couple of possible reasonable explanations:

• You're married to a clod who isn't loving you as Christ loves the church. There's no doubt it's hard to offer godly submission or be there sexually when this is the case. My instinct is to say push through anyway since one can only control their own behavior and not that of another, but I won't since I'm sure it's not always that easy.
• Your man is a total bore in the sack. Unfortunately, most guys are content to get what they're going for and don't take the time to learn what will send their woman over the moon! Responding favorably and verbally to those few things the klutz actually does right might be one method of getting him to look for more ways to light your fire! And while I'm on the subject *hehe*...you single girls out there should know that I'm regularly looking for new information in this area and filing it away for future use. I wouldn't expect intimacy on a regular basis without doing my best to make it well worth the invested time and emotion. While I can't promise I would hit it over the fence every time, as a husband my attention to detail in that and many other areas of married life would make me worth the wait and seldom leave you disappointed!

 For every point I've brought up here, I'm sure there are ten I haven't thought to consider. While I feel I have scripture on my side for the most part, that doesn't mean I'm not teachable(to a point) by those of you preceding me in matrimony. And yes, I know sex isn't everything--it merely feels that way at times for single Christians denied access--so just know I'm aware of that. So bring it...let our swords of the Spirit meet and the iron sharpening begin!