The other day as I was walking into church, a woman ahead of me was being greeted at the door. When one of the male greeters extended his hand, she scoffed playfully and replied, "I don't want any of that handshake stuff!" and went in for the hug. Granted, she already knew the guy in question; but I was blessed to have a similar experience with a woman I didn't know at the previous church I was going to a few years ago.
  A mutual friend introduced us and she said to me right away, "I'm a hugger and not much into handshakes, do you mind if I give you a hug instead?" Well of course I didn't mind...I mean, after all, she was speaking my language! It wasn't the gesture so much that provided the blessing for me, but the idea that this woman (in her late 40's-early 50's I would guess) had the trust to open her heart in such a manner!
  Many in the body of Christ today are so insular–and to an extent, distrustful–that they consider it an affront or even a threat when confronted with such an idea. When someone approaches them with such openness, they get at best offended and at worst afraid. From my observations, this occurs mainly in women, but I have seen a few guys get cantankerous about people showing them any type of affection as well.
  So why is this exactly? Obviously, people's reasons for this can be as different as grains of sand; but I have some theoretical common threads that might provide at least a foundation of insight:

For Men:

  They've experienced pain and don't want to risk opening themselves anew. I understand this feeling to an extent, as I've walked through a similar valley. Back when our family raised sheep, one of the first orders of business during the time of year when lambs were being born was to do away with their tails, to prevent the animals from continually soiling themselves and potentially contracting diseases. The way that's done is to put a small, thick rubber band around the base of the tail. It cuts off the blood flow, and eventually the tail dies and falls away as a result.
  In a somewhat similar fashion, when a person cuts themselves off from whatever communities are most accesible in their lives, this increases the numbness within them to a point that a large piece of their heart becomess potentially unrecoverable.
  They're angry at women or perhaps the world at large. A rejection here, some emasculation there, a lack of success elsewhere...so many of life's darts can become poisonous to a person's soul and outlook. Such a state is easy to succumb to when you've been kicked around like a dog but I've learned, over many years, to go against your own grain and just let yourself be exposed. If others cannot extend the proper consideration for that, they're the only ones on whom it reflects poorly.

For Women:

  They feel intimidated in such close proximity to another. It's possible other women might make them feel this way, but more often than not it's men that trigger this. This can be elicited by their superior physical strength; combine that with a dolt that pushes some boundary further than what's allowable, and you create an experience that cripples that woman's ability to experience a true familial bond with her fellow believers, apart from the healing intervention of God. I would love to say this doesn't or couldn't happen within the community of faith. Sadly, that would be a fantasy.
  Such contact is perceived as a threat to their significant relationships. The pinnacle of many women's (and some men's) lives is the achievement of marriage and family. There are tons of women in the church that will limit contact with a member of the opposite sex to a handshake, because of the fear that a hug would somehow be akin to cheating on their husbands, or at the very least make them jealous.
  I find it hard to really come down on this all that much, because almost every man would kill to marry someone who strives with such diligence to guard the trust they made vows to uphold. The thing is, I don't observe this a whole lot in women with happy and successful marriages. Those women are secure in their husband's love, and more importantly in God's love, have the freedom to spread that to others around them in healthy ways, and release their husbands to do the same. Couples like these truly radiate Christ, and I seek to be around them as often as I can to learn and prepare for what I hope will be my future sooner than later!
  The women I do observe having a more closed-in nature may have faithful marriages and loving husbands, but still harbor deep insecurities. They've discovered that every day of their marriage isn't going to be like The Notebook, so they swallow their emotions, hunker down and put up the wall. Any attempts by [male]outsiders to greet them with a hug, however purely motivated, is met in the same way that one greets the black plague.
  Church, we have to get back to a more open, familial trust and love. We need more hugging! Or, perhaps fist bumping would be a good starting point? *hehe* Shake hands if you want to close a business deal, but your brothers and sisters in Christ deserve something more personable...more real. Furthermore, if we don't even have the capacity to love with such lack of pretense amongst ourselves, how can we claim to be any more of a beacon to those we are trying to reach?
  I get that there are likely myraid pitfalls or nuances to all of this that I have either not considered, or have not wanted to triple the length of this already-too-long post considering. And let me just say, I get that there are jerks out there that don't handle such situations appropriately. My belief is that those types can be ferreted out very quickly and given the reproof they have coming. Feel free to sound off below if you wish, because I believe this to be a conversation worth having. 

  Another brick for the walk of shame was laid with the recent "news" that Halle Berry and her latest boy toy, model Gabriel Aubry, are calling it a day. I would be happier about them not living together outside the security of a committed marriage anymore if it weren't for the complications their two-year-old daughter, Nahla, will now have to face from being shuffled from parent to parent. But it isn't this story itself that interests me so much as the point this Momlogic article I stumbled across on the subject uses it to make.
  The article quotes Rabbi Sherre Hirsch as saying that "Young kids take time away from the man, who used to come first. Most of a woman's time is now given to the child." This may be true to a lesser or greater extent depending on the dynamic of each individual family, but Hirsch's answer for this is what brought the angry feminists out in droves. Well, ok...there are only five comments submitted for the article as of this post. Maybe someone should forward it to Naomi Wolf...that might push the number all the way up to eight!
  Anyway, here's the hate-filled, controversial statement that sent male-bashers over the edge:

The most important relationship in the family is the one with your mate. A great relationship means a great family. The best thing you can do is put your guy in the number-one spot.

  "OMG, where's my pitchfork?"
  "Help me light this torch, we're heading to the rabbi's house!"
  "Hey, what are you doi-...put down that perspective, we're on a mission here!"
  Nothing sends these people into a tizzy faster than the suggestion that a man should be anywhere except on the bottom of their six-inch heels, waiting to be scraped off. Here's a sample of some of my favorite overreactions:

Wait. The expert says most of the time men leave or cheat because suddenly they’re not #1 anymore. So women should make them be #1 to keep them. While she falls to the bottom of the pile? How about the men grow up, act like responsible adults, and stop expecting women to fall all over themselves to cater to their every whim. Let the kids be kids, and the men act like men. If they can’t do that, don’t let the door hit you on the way out!
---------------------------------
Why are all the instructions for women? Are men not supposed to step up to the plate and help out with their offspring? Are we bears?

This is, perhaps, daring speculation on my part...but maybe the reason the listed "instructions" were for women is because the website's name is "Momlogic". A website for moms. Moms who are usually women. Excuse me while I consult with my fact-checker............yep, female parents are still called "moms". Fish, barrel, 'nuff said.
  To do as this article suggests and "put your guy in the number-one spot" doesn't by necessity require the woman to then be relegated to the bottom of the list. If a different website had posted this, one that isn't intended to cater to the needs and challenges of one specific sub-group of a particular gender, I'm sure it would have been revised to say that Mom and Dad should put each other in the number-one spot! When two become one (Eph. 5:31), how could it be any other way?
  A great quote that fleshes this concept out a little further comes from relationship counselor Dr. Ellen Kriedman: “The best gift you can ever give your children is a loving relationship with your mate. The happiest, most well-adjusted children come from a home where mommy and daddy love each other.” She has a lot more to say on this issue that's really helpful. The ideal order of priority in a family is: 1) God, 2) Spouse, 3) Kids, 4) Everyone else. In many families today, #2 and #3 get switched around and #1 gets thrown out altogether, which is all too often a recipe for disaster!
  Naturally, this isn't going to exist in a single-parent situation, and probably shouldn't exist in the case of blended families. Most children resent a step-parent being placed at a higher priority than themselves (whether real or imagined), something they would normally celebrate in traditional households.
  Getting back to the Berry/Aubry story for a moment, it wasn't any of this stuff I've been talking about that's being blamed for the split. I spent a half-hour of my life I can't get back looking into this further.
  It appears she was constantly whining that he doesn't make enough ($700k/yr...sign that boy up for food stamps!). She earns millions for one movie, which is pretty difficult for many guys to match. As for him, the novelty of being with a gorgeous woman nine years his senior was supposedly wearing off for him.
  All told, if we're to believe that gossip is truth, it wasn't any debate of "Who's #1, me or the kid?" that did them in, it was simply another combination of two selfish narcissists that couldn't hack the real world. Consequently, the Nahlas of the world always end up being the biggest casualties when that happens.

  Valentine's Day is like bringing home a new puppy: you want to cuddle it, pet it, give it treats and toys, take it on nice long walks. Every other day thereafter, it just morphs into a fur-shedding, constantly eating, overly-needy doggy-doo producing pain in the tuchis. As a society, we don't take love seriously, and haven't for a very long time.
  Days like these where we're told to buy those high-end flowers, or that cute teddy bear or "pajamagram" to avoid disappointing that special someone, are a great time to acknowledge when someone goes the extra mile or ten to give an even greater gift: that of perseverance.
  The story of Jeff and Cheryl Scruggs is one of those models of taking love seriously that makes you say, "whoa...". It's a veritable clinic on making tragic mistakes, recovering from them, and thriving onward at a new level. Love like this, however, isn't built overnight...as you'll see below:

When we read in I Cor. 13 about love being patient, how often do we ask ourselves, "Ok...but how patient should it be?" Perhaps it doesn't always require (or deserve) the level of patience modeled in the Scruggs family testimony. Those who are centered solidly on Christ have his guidance to help them determine when and how much patience is necessary.
  The video above is just selected excerpts. Click here to watch the whole thing. This terrific story is one of many to be found on Iamsecond.com. This site is so awesome that I've given it a place in the Cool Links section. Check it out!